Thursday, October 11, 2018

My son Jonathan wrote this and posted it on his Facebook yesterday and I wanted to share... It's very powerful and inspiring, and took a lot of courage & bravery to write. I'm very proud of him:

For those who were not aware, yesterday was World Mental Health Day. All throughout yesterday, I had been going back and forth with myself about whether to share my thoughts on the matter on social media. Ultimately, given the stigma surrounding mental health at large, I felt it was only necessary for me to express my sentiments as someone whom this topic affects tremendously on a daily basis. I decided on posting my thoughts today—as opposed to yesterday—to demonstrate that it does not need to be World Mental Health Day for people to openly discuss the topic of mental health.
I haven’t been very vocal about this in the past (though I have been trying to as of recently), as it is an extremely sensitive topic for me, but for several years now, I have been suffering immensely from major depression and anxiety. With the exception of a few of my close friends and family members, no one is aware of the internal struggle that I experience constantly throughout each and every day at every waking moment. And even those who are aware can’t completely grasp the severity of it all. Truly, only those who have experienced their own tribulations with mental health related issues can speak to and fully comprehend how painful it can be. For this reason, I will share some of my personal anecdotes with depression and anxiety so that those who don’t suffer with similar issues can try to resonate better with those who do.
In a nutshell, living with anxiety and depression is like living in an ongoing nightmare that you can never breathe that sigh of relief for when you wake up the following morning.
It’s not being in control of your own thoughts and actions at times.
It’s not finding any enjoyment, interest, or meaning in things—even the things you once cherished and found to be the most pleasurable.
It’s no longer being able to find pride in yourself or to love yourself—and no longer caring about your physical and emotional appearance or wellbeing.
It’s not being able to clean up the sea of clothes on your bedroom floor no matter how many times you tell yourself to get off your lazy ass. You’re ultimately unable to because you’re so physically exhausted by your own nagging thoughts. And then your messy room creates even more anxiety because it serves as a reminder of your messy mind. And the cycle continues.
It’s getting riled up by the smallest, most insignificant issues and dwelling on them for hours at a time—not being able to stop no matter how hard you try to.
It’s not being able to play a game or sport at your fullest capacity because you’re too nervous you’re going to suck and embarrass yourself in front of everyone—and then ultimately sucking and embarrassing yourself in front of everyone because you were so nervous.
It’s meticulously checking and rechecking the photo you put up on Instagram to make sure that you look up-to-par and are getting enough likes—and then doubting yourself when you feel you aren’t.
It’s not having enough time in the day to accomplish the things you told yourself yesterday that you’d accomplish today, despite the fact that you didn’t do anything the entire day and had all the free-time in the world. But you just can’t. Because anxiety. And then you beat your lazy-ass up about it. And the cycle continues.
It’s yelling at yourself during car rides alone because it’s the only alone-time you have to beat yourself up for all the self-sabotaging you did and not have anyone look at you like you’re crazy.
It’s having your own signature nervous tick; I’m talking muscle spasms, knee-jerks, body hair-plucking, and even jumping around erratically when no one’s watching—the works.
It’s having a piercing pain on your chest that’s so intense it causes breathing to require effort.
It’s feeling tired all the time. Did I mention that one already? I forgot.
It’s being “in your own world” (as my friends put it) all the time because your racing thoughts quite literally have fogged up your vision and consumed your physical surroundings. “Sorry, what did you just say?”
It’s not being able to be productive at all with your day because your anxiety has immobilized you. I think I mentioned that one too. I meant it.
It’s being uneasy, awkward, or practically silent in a social setting depending on your mood—that is, if you even have it in you to show up at all.
It’s being so incredibly tired throughout the entire day (like I said before), but not being able to fall asleep at night because of your incessant self-destructive thoughts, which keep you up till the early hours. Lit.
It’s being unable to complete the most simple, effortless tasks because they’ve become too grueling to accomplish.
It’s having consistent headaches over and over every day—and I’m not talking about ones that Advil can resolve.
It’s living in recurring flashbacks again and again and again. And again.
It’s immeasurable discomfort at all times. Except during those three hours you manage to actually hit REM sleep. Ah how I love those moments.
It’s forcing yourself to exercise even though your work out is already just about a thousand times as challenging by default. Or not going and then kicking yourself about it the entire day.
It’s analyzing and reanalyzing your thoughts and decisions and wondering if you’re being rational or if your brain is playing tricks on you.
It’s losing all sense of time.
It’s feeling scared of virtually everything.
It’s sweating profusely and your heart pounding incessantly before stepping out of the house for reasons you aren’t even certain of.
It’s feeling uncomfortable and out of place with the people who are closest to you and who have always made you feel safe growing up.
It’s putting on a poker-face around everyone and pretending that everything is alright, despite the fact that you are actually choking inside and no one can tell.
It’s alienating yourself from those who care the most about you and putting a stain on your most important relationships.
It’s going from being the overachiever to the underachiever who finds no purpose in doing anything constructive.
It’s deliberately not waking up for class over and over—or better yet, waking up and consciously deciding to not go to class because you just can’t get out of bed. Then suddenly realizing you missed an exam worth 20% of your grade two weeks earlier. Oh well.
It’s making unwise, life-altering choice after unwise, life-altering choice—like leaving the university you worked so hard to get into because you just couldn’t handle it anymore or (not) joining the army because you’re looking for an escape. If you know, you know.
It’s not having the will-power to go back to school almost three years after leaving.
It’s torturing yourself on social media as you watch all of your friends enjoy their prime years in college, while you sit in your own self-inflicted numbness and misery. *Scrolls down*
It’s everyone you’ve ever known asking what you’re doing with your life now—over and over again—and you not having a proper response to give and feeling lousier every time you muster up some bullshit reply.
It’s feeling lost in the world without any viable direction available to you.
It’s actively ignoring texts and phone calls from your loved-ones because you temporarily can’t move or speak anymore during one of your routine panic-attacks.
It’s feeling like shit all the time and then feeling even shittier about it because you know there are people out there who have it way worse than you who don’t complain about their lives.
It’s being at the intersection of overly emotional and not being able to feel any emotion at all.
It’s music not tasting and food not sounding the same as it once did to you—yeah, it’ll also make you delirious at times so that made sense to me.
It’s getting sick every other day because your immune system is always down.
It’s trial and error of medication after medication that doesn’t work, but that you need.
It’s no longer being able to make your family—particularly your parents—proud of you anymore, despite them insisting that isn’t the case. But you know—because you’re no longer proud of yourself either.
It’s not being able to forgive yourself for your past mistakes.
It’s feeling utterly debilitated and defeated most of the time.
It’s not being able to function like a normal human-being should.
It’s not being able to remember the last time you had a good day.
It’s losing yourself and constantly reminiscing about the most mundane moments where you still felt like you.
It’s feeling that the world is bleak and meaningless—even when you know it’s not.
For those struggling with depression and anxiety, along with other forms of mental health issues, even the occasional positive thought is coupled with a negative one and is outweighed by an overwhelming sense of heaviness. This past summer, several pop culture icons who can attest to this sadly succumbed to their own demons. As soon as news broke out regarding the deaths of these particular artists, a widespread discussion about mental illness ubiquitously ensued throughout social media. I watched at the time as the long, heartfelt posts—with expressions of helping hands and shares of a hotline number meant for people to just suddenly pour their hearts out to strangers on the phone—came in flooding and then vanished just as quickly (as is the case with every trending topic on social media). It is precisely for this reason that I stayed quiet and did not share my sentiments during the time and why I did not want to post all of this yesterday either. We should not wait for celebrities to die or for it to be World Mental Health Day—or the day after for that matter—for us to discuss mental health. For if we start to discuss it more openly all the time, we could potentially help so many more people who are suffering in silence every day. It’s an uncomfortable conversation, but it’s an important one.
I’ll finish this incredibly long rant by simply stating the obvious (but the unpracticed): we should all be kind to one another. You truly cannot tell what a person has experienced until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
If anyone—ANYONE—that I know or don’t know needs someone to just talk to about anything, I am always available to lend an ear. PLEASE do not hesitate.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Venting, Complaining, Bullying

Venting, Complaining, Bullying



We all need to vent at times. Basically, this need of "complaining" to someone is a "momentary and instant gratification" and a temporary relief for one's pain. Having someone listen is a good sounding block and a strengthening technique for a person, but in reality it does not relieve one of the poisonous residue which has been created in one's stomach which sits and eats one's inside, not solving or resolving anything.
We always should do what our heart tells us to do. Nothing is better than pure honesty!
Sometimes being open and telling the truth is scary and intimidating. Fear of the unknown outcome is always seems much worse than it actually is. In reality, nothing terrible may happen if we tell the truth, and the world will definitely not come apart at the seams.
No need to worry or be afraid. God always watches us, protects us and has our back, thus, sending us on an even better path... So, at times even when it seems that we are down in the dumps and nothing worse can happen to us..., in reality it may be a blessing in disguise. Sometimes, we may learn major lessons along the way. This is done through and by the great power of the divine, and that's more than fine too and needs to be appreciated as well. We need to acknowledge, recognize and not take anything for granted which God gives us... He knows exactly what is right for us and what needs to be done. Therefore, He plants the seeds of truth deep inside our heart. We need to reach inside and let that truth, grow, blossom, and shine.
One simply has to arrive at total trust and fully and whole heartedly love one-self. We can only be the best that we can be and strive to make ourselves even be better.
Anything negative that's not good for us and is destroying us, we need to get rid of and disregard.
We always need to find the courage to boost and power ourselves. We don't have to work in a horrible environment, or be in a bad and unfulfilled relationship. Some people are like blood sucking parasites who love to bully, intimidate and make people misery. They need to do that and live off those people's misery which they create just for that reason in the first place. We never need to sit and take abuse and be miserable in a situation that we find ourselves in.
Self doubt is the worst possible thing! We have to really TRUST and we always have a choice to move on and up to something bigger, better, and higher.
Everything always happens for a reason. As one door closes, another one opens... Ultimately, it's all our choice of how we choose to live our life and how to make it more fulfilling.
The question is how much do we really want to get to that "higher" level of joy?

Your Truly, I.N. <3 :-)

Forcing a Relationship



There are times when we set expectations, demands and prerequisites on relationships, and at times push and force a relationship on another person, while one of the parties is really not interested in having a relationship with a particular person in the first place.
a) If there are any expectations, they should be clarified to the person one is expecting something from in a crystal clear manner.
b) We should not fight other people's battles on their behalf. Let the parties who are involved in a conflict find their own way to each other.
c) The two parties involved have their own lessons to learn and bridges to cross... We just have to sit back, take a deep breath, stay positive and hope for the best possible outcome.
d) Often, our involvement only causes more animosity and escalates into deeper anger, creating a harsher impact to that faulty relationship, spreading poison in us as well, which turns to negativity and ill residue as it sits and brews in our stomach creating sickness and unhealthy acid.
e) People allow others to bully and intimidate them. One thing to remember: People who intimidate and bully other people are actually very insecure and needy people on the inside. They need to push and intimidate other people in order to caress their "overly inflated" ego. Bullying other people makes these often "little" people feel "bigger" and (for no reason) feel that they are better than everyone else.
Inside, they may have a good and soft heart, but on the outside although they have a "tough" exterior, in reality they are quite insecure and need to feed their "security" of other people, thus creating their own kind of defense shield.
f) I believe that one needs to deal with these kind of people from the start and not to allow things to simmer because they love to pounce on people when a sign of a first opportunity arises.
g) Some people prefer the tactic of postponing telling the truth to avoid a conflict or a confrontation out of fear of "facing" them, and therefore, would rather currently avoid with an impending problem and deal with it later. They think that they are preventing a fight or refrain from antagonizing someone and thus, are "softening the blow". In reality, they are only causing more friction and are making the matters worse by allowing even more build up of anger and animosity.
Actually, the blow is much worse and more severe when it comes later because people have already had a chance to build up certain expectations and ideas of an outcome.
h) **Building up self confidence and courage to arrive at the truth is the key. Some people like to play the victim card and make themselves out to be unfortunate people who suffer due to certain circumstances, thus using other people who feel badly and sorry for them to fight battles on their behalf. This is a wrong and an unfair tactic, as in reality these "victims" are hiding behind the facade of lack of self confidence being afraid to discover who they really are, and finally building the ability of standing up and defending themselves. Often, this achieved inner self-control, confidence and love for one-self will diffuse a fight in itself and stop it in its tracks.
Yours Truly, I.N. <3 :-)

Saturday, December 22, 2012

The New Era



12/22/12 -----> The New Era...

So, we lived through another Armaggedon. Yet, another silly & meaningless Doom's Day prediction has gone by and went farkakte... I guess we can all go back to our daily routine and business now. The Mayans must have meant 12/21/3012 ;-) 
Besides, only G-d knows when this world will end, if ever, since He's the one who created in the first place.
Instead of concentrating on nonsense, let's just focus on making this world a better & more peace loving place! We can do this through, peace, love, care, honesty, good deeds, joy and by allowing Divine goodness to rule the universe! Live fully! Love completely with a full pulsing heart, without wasting your time on useless doubts & insecurities, but instead with a deep & true adoring emotion! Laugh till you cry from Happiness and till your stomach contracts in a pleasant pain!
We can do this by allowing Divine & Eternal Light of Goodness & Knowledge to shine brightly & with full consciousness. This is a new time and "new age" (and this is what I truly believe that the Mayans may have meant). So, therefore, in this new "era" it's time for real happiness and joy on earth for all people, races, nations & religions of the world to Love & Respect each other in Peace! We can do it all! We can achieve anything that we set our minds & hearts to! After all, from the beginning we were all "sewn from the same  cloth", made from the same rib, and are descendants of the same first man, the same forefather & the same people, and basically, we all believe in the same thing & in only one G-d!
We have a choice! G-d gave us that choice! So make it a good & kind choice! G-d is not happy when we fight. G-d is not happy when we argue. G-d is not happy when we sin and turn our face on each other doing bad & mean things to one another. On the contrary, when G-d sees us loving, caring & getting along with & for each other, then He's in his full Glory! We can all reach this level of Divine Height without needing to build a physical Tower of Babel, which confused & separated us in the first place... We can all simply do it through Hope, Light, Love & Peace! Shabbat Shalom, Happy Holidays & Peace on Earth Everyone! I.N. <3 :-)

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Light vs. Dark in Balance

Light vs. Dark in Balance:
Without Dark, we would not see the Light. Without Evil, we would not appreciate the Goodness. Without Hatred, we would not feel Love! God created both the darkness and the negative, so that we would clearly see and appreciate both the Light & the Positive! (It's there to remind us even when we take our regular daily photos.) Opposites, positive & negative attract trying to keep each other in balance. For thousands of years, we have seen a lot of evil and hatred, trying to take over the good. It takes only a little good to overcome major bad. So it was with David vs. Goliath. So it will be with Goodness vs. Evil (and all world's terror). Evil will never succeed in extinguishing our light & our fire because it's eternal and it shines from the Divine. It will live in us forever! Evil will never beat us! Evil will never win because we love & respect life, and we love & respect the divine! We live our life by Godliness, Miracles, Prayer & Good Deeds. The world must stop the darkness & the terror! Let the Divine Light, Truth & Goodness come in! "Light one candle", and it will spark the fire of Godliness within the rest of the world... For the month of Chanukah & its miracles! It's time to tip the scale in the direction of Light, Goodness, Truth, and ultimate Justice, and let it overcome the bad and prevail! It's time for peace on earth!! God please help us make Light, Love, and Peace, and allow us to spread it all over the world and let all humanity finally see it too! Amen! ♥