With Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement) starting
tomorrow night at sundown, I would like the opportunity to address the subject
of forgiveness, and to finally open my blog to the public with this most intricate
subject...
According to the words of Rashmi
Singh: "Forgiveness is not something we do for others... We do it for
ourselves to get well and move forward..."
Why are most of us so hard on forgiving ourselves? Others forgive you, forget,
let you go and move on.... They do so mostly not for you, but rather for
themselves so that they would have the strength and the ability to go on with
life without uselessly lingering on the subject of YOU. Simply put, even the slightest
thought of you may by many means be uncomfortable for them to focus on. Yet, many
of us are unable to release our own deeply rooted demons and forgive ourselves, even though
the other person in a particular relationship has already (what seems to be)
forgotten about us and has moved on with (what we may imagine as) “much ease”.
If you are “stuck” and feel that you are
unable to go on with your life because you still have unresolved feelings towards
another person which need to be cleared up, then do something about it! Contact
the person and let them know how you truly feel. If you in your heart and soul (where
the real truth dwells) really know that you have done the other person wrong
and may have caused them pain, then you must find the strength and the courage
to ask that person for forgiveness. We need to (more so, must)
admit when we are wrong and recognize our own wrong doing. Although it may be
very difficult, we must in turn apologize for doing such to the person who we
may have hurt or caused harm to. This action will do a world of good for both parties and will ultimately be extremely satisfying. Both parties will feel better, and your action may even lead to
possible peace between you.
On the other hand, if you don’t have the
strength to contact the person (which is ideal as otherwise a person’s
spiritual growth is curtailed to an extent), then let time ease your pain &
try to let things go. Even if you are no longer in touch with your loved one (or
another party in a whatever relationship that it may be), because too much time
has elapsed and too much pain has been caused to both of you, and for now there’s
no possibility of peace between you, then let them go in peace and allow love
for them to enter your heart. Try not to think negatively or badly of them
(negativity ultimately destroys the health of your heart, mind and soul, as
well as its goodness). Simply, try to let them go with kindness. They
accomplished their deed for being present in your life and completed what it is
that they needed to do in your life. Now, you must find the recognition, faith
and courage within yourself in order to move on in peace for your own good. This
is what we refer to as Tikun or Tikun Olam (the ability to fix one another and
ultimately the world).
None of us are relieved from our responsibilities to G-d and to our fellow
humans on what is right and what is wrong to do... The actual action of apology
(which is often extremely hard to do and that's why people tend to shy away
from it,) allows one the act of cleansing of the inner spirit and for major spiritual
growth. Once you do it from the deepest part of your gut or soul, you will feel
so good about yourself, that it really won’t matter any longer if the other
person will accepts your apology or not... Now the “ball of peace” will be in
the other party’s court. Hopefully, the other party will act positively as
well.
According to the Torah, if you really feel that you have done another
person wrong, you must ask that person for forgiveness three times. After that,
you are in the clear and are absolved from asking for forgiveness from that
person any further.
Therefore, once we learn to take responsibility for our own actions and will no
longer point the “finger of blame” at someone else (which way too often we
point at our own loved ones), we will defuse our anger, and thus will prevent any
unneeded arguments or fights. In this way, we will be able clean our heart
& our soul, and will have the ability to find the truth.
Most importantly, when we have finally recognized our own wrong doing and
have asked for forgiveness, it's important to remember and try not to make the
same mistake in your future actions. Otherwise, our apology becomes
meaningless, and our spirit will continue to go around & around in circles
without ever reaching its “tikun” or the higher spiritual level.
On the other hand of the spectrum, I believe in completely forgiving those who have hurt or wronged me without the expectation of an apology from anyone. I trust that the act of completely & unconditionally forgiving someone is the best medicine for an individual's well balanced and healthy body, mind and spirit. Therefore, I'm letting go of all the past baggage and am looking forward to a happy, healthy, fulfilling and completely whole future.
Now (and always) it’s the perfect time to
clean up your soul, your heart, your life... We are all here to learn our lessons and grow spiritually…
As far as fasting on Yom Kippur: Fasting
is good for our entire system: body, mind, soul and spirit. It cleanses
everything from within, making it pure and whole again.
Our soul is not ours to keep. It
is borrowed from G-d for our lifetime. When we return it, let's make sure that
we give it back as clean and pure in the same way that He had first lent it to
us.
With my own request for forgiveness from G-d, Universe, and all Men-Kind…
Easy Fast & Gmar Chatima Tova (May we all be inscribed in the Good Book of Life)...
Yours Truly, I.N. <3 :-)
